Filed under: chicago bears, comedy, football, nfl, offseason, sports | Tags: chicago bears, chipper jones, colt brennan, houston texans, jamaica, Lovie Smith, ryan grice-mullen, university of hawaii, unsure if Mullen is even Jamaican, wide receiver
(phone rings)
Ryan Grice-Mullen: Yeah, mon.
Lovie Smith: Hi Ryan. This is Lovie Smith, head coach of the Chicago Bears. I’m calling to see if you’d be interested in playing for us.
RGM: Irie, mon. Les do a dis ting alretty.
Lovie: Great. We’ll need you here today.
RGM: Sounds good, mon. I a bring me baseball bat n’ glove.
Lovie: Wait… Son, did you just say you’ll bring your baseball bat and glove?
RGM: Yeah, mon. Wah wrong wit dat? I be dee nex Cheepah Jonez, you see, mon.
Lovie: No, Ryan. I’m a football coach. We want you to play football. You played football at Hawaii.
RGM: Ahhhh. Dahs rye, mon. I be a playin some football.
Lovie: …Well, we’ll see you soon, ok?
(hangs up)
RGM: Haha. Erry tine I a smoke dee erb, I a be fo gettin’ wah I a be doin’, mon.
(day dream sequence to 2006 Hawaii practice)
No, Ryan! I ain’t a Goddamn curveball!
Bring it, mon. I a be dee next Cheepah Jonez! Hahaha.
13 Comments
Is there a better picture in the whole world?
Comment by Value Adjusted Phineas July 24, 2008 @ 7:03 pmYou should be ashamed of yourself for portraying RGM this way. He is a very intelligent, articulate, and honorable man. He and most of the population of Hawaii would would find your column offensive, not funny, especially the reference to herbs – definitely not what RGM represents. Do’nt judge a man by his dreads! He’s a great receiver and we hope he makes the team.
Comment by Hawaii Mom July 24, 2008 @ 11:25 pmAloha
Hope you Bears fans will get a lift from RGM- appreciate him, he will be a blessing for you.
Comment by LizKauai July 25, 2008 @ 12:49 amYou mean, everyone with dreadlocks isn’t Jamaican?
Comment by Orton's Lazy Eye July 25, 2008 @ 11:01 amWow, someone takes their Hawaii seriously.
Comment by Value Adjusted Phineas July 25, 2008 @ 12:47 pmshea – i see that you chose to file your blog on RGM under “comedy”. WRONG – should’ve filed it under IGNORANT and (borderline) RACISM. i can’t imagine the bears organization would ever condone comments like yours. that you associate dreadlocks, a matter of style, with marijuana is just stupid. grow up, shea, and travel the world. maybe you’d learn a thing or two about diversity.
Comment by movingtarget July 27, 2008 @ 12:20 pmFirst off, I am not — and never claimed to be — representing the Chicago Bears organization.
Secondly, maybe if you grew up, you’d learn a thing or two about satire, irony, and plain and simple lightening the f**k up.
But, really. Let’s not engage in an “internet scuffle.”
Thanks for visiting. And commenting. Twice.
Comment by Orton's Lazy Eye July 27, 2008 @ 2:49 pmhey, shea – be a man and take the criticism like one. god, you sound like a baby! and i’ll say it again because you apparently did not get it. your remarks about RGM were racist and your attempt at comedy failed miserably. they were not funny, they were offensive. and it’s clear to anyone, as it was to me, that you are in no way affiliated with the bears organization – your blog lacks any hint of professionalism and integrity. and, while we’re at it, i wouldn’t advertise the fact that you were graduated from cal state san bernardino with a “degree” in communications. really, shea, that’s not saying much…at all. it’s kind of embarrassing, really. shea, as you step into the real world, i hope you begin to understand that there is much you don’t know, and you should take all criticism with an eye on self-improvement. and here’s one more piece of free advice – do what you can to conceal your youthful ignorance and your arrogance. you will not get far in life if you don’t.
Comment by movingtarget July 27, 2008 @ 4:38 pm[moving things along] Movingtarget, I agree. The Bears do boast a sufficient amount of quality depth on defense this year. [/moving]
Oh, and if you enjoyed my blog, check out Kissing Suzy Kolber.
Comment by Orton's Lazy Eye July 27, 2008 @ 5:33 pmmovingtarget: you are an idiot.
Your name makes sense.
Comment by THarris91 July 28, 2008 @ 1:20 pmTHarris91…great. Another racist.
Comment by movingtarget July 28, 2008 @ 7:55 pmActually, I’m black.
Comment by THarris91 July 28, 2008 @ 9:38 pmWARNING: This blog provides content related to the Chicago Bears football team. If the content of the comments are not in some way, football-related, they will be deleted.
Comment by Orton's Lazy Eye July 29, 2008 @ 10:09 am